温暖的拥抱。。。我终于哭了

挨了24小时，我的眼泪终于滑下脸颊。过去的24小时，我一直强颜欢笑。昨晚已经想哭了，心一阵阵的痛。幸亏今天下午有一大把工作让我麻醉自己。

忙完后，我的心情跌到了谷底。好痛，好痛。盼望有人能安慰我。

放工后，我干着去见他。我想见到他，心情会好一点。在歌声中，我看见他了。他张开双手，把我抱进怀里，对我说，“我一直都在你身边。只是你没留意。”我哭了。憋了好久的眼泪终于流下来了。他说，“你的每滴眼泪都在我的心烙了印。就算没人知道你心里在想什么，我知道。只要你不松手，我会一直牵着你。”他就那么的温柔，把我捧在手心。

好久没哭得那么多了。应该有45分钟吧。心情好多了。我重新相信我是被爱的。。。

庆幸一直有他在我身边。

突然好想念

今天和一位小我两岁的男生聊天。他是个老实人。当我们谈到为什么女生都爱坏男人时，我突然想起我胎死腹中的感情。突然想念有人牵着我的手，想念有人能把我涌入怀抱。九月为这一切画上句号。那种被保护的感觉记忆犹新。不知何时能再找回那种感觉。

我在跑步机边跑边听歌。悲伤的旋律让我的眼眶又湿了。心有点酸。眼泪最终没有留下来，心也慢慢地振作起来。过去已成事实，我只能坦然面对。伤可能还没痊愈，但是我还是会撑下去。我并非一无所有，我还有一群朋友为我加油打气。

Don't Worry

Do you worry alot? I used to until someone told me that my worries are unnecessary. Why? Read further...
Some of your worries:
1) Will never happen
2) Have not yet happen
3) Have already happened and instead of worrying, think of a solution

So you are covered. No worries!

我以为我很快乐。。。

我以为我很快乐。没想到我这么容易因为悲伤的音乐而流泪。心里突然涌出悲伤，心好痛。眼前的一切被眼泪遮住了。觉得好寂寞。感觉好像是独子站在悬崖面对着未知数的将来。心寒。

I need some romance...

This weekend was hectic. I was trying to finish 17 episodes of The 1st Coffee Prince Shop. The end result was not a triumph one. Instead I began to lament the lack of romance in my life. I began to question myself if such romance exist in the real world or just limited to the goggle box (in my case, the computer monitor).

The words in the dramas are so romantically crafted. The people so good-looking (most of the time). The ugly duckling saved from the pit of poverty and placed on the alter of wealth by a handsome prince. Argh...I want that too...Maybe I should just pray to God with a checklist on the kind of man I want...but there are so many to choose from...

Everything was perfect in the dramas. Their eyes are free from "eye shit" in the morning. They cry oh... so prettily. Love seems to conquer everything.

I am now drunk in the alcohol of love and romance.....quick, give me a glass of plain water and a............man.

To Envy Jay Chou Or Not

Recently got a chance to help out in the promotional tour for Jay Chou's movie, Secret. Full of expectation about the experience.

First stop, the press conference. The duo was late. The press was waiting and everyone was getting impatient. Well....they are not to blame. They share one hairstylist. Finally when they appear, I was looking out for a tall and handsome Jay Chou...Trying to spot him in the entourage and finally I did spot a rather short and thin Jay. I was wearing my heels and I am already slightly taller than him. But no doubt, he is quite cute.

After the press conference, it was the gala premier. Jay was not feeling very well. The whole group was held in the holding area. A group of fans with their cameras aiming at the entrance, were standing outside waiting for him to come out.

It reminds me of a scene from the zoo. Visitors standing with their cameras waiting for the animal to appear before them. Then it's photo taking time. I pray I will not be standing next to Jay. I know how much bigger I am next to him. Prayer not answered. He smiled a little at me and looked at the camera. The duo just stood on the spot and the people beside them changed and cameras click away. Reminds me of another scene. Orangutans in the zoo also sat where they are and the people beside them change and cameras click away.

Then I began to wonder, is being a famous artiste upgrading or downgrading. Normal people are not obliged to take pictures with just anyone. The artistes can't say no. This is sad...just like the animals in the zoo, they have lost their freedom but gained survival.

Picking Up...

It's been a long time since I updated my blog. I knew this (stop blogging) would happen. All due to my laziness and busyness.

Finally got a chance to update my blog and let my friends know what I am up to these days.

All along, I knew that I wasn't working in the most effective business but never was I so discouraged by the things that happened these few weeks. I am beginning to see some serious problem that this company has.

1. A Director Who Likes To Backstab (A Wolf In Sheep Skin)
Let me elaborate... Recently, I encounter a small technical problem and asked him (the director, also the youngest brother of the big boss) for help. He actually say he don't know how to operate the machine. Eventually I got my supplier to teach me how to operate the machine. Actually he knows how to operate the machine. Just that he does not want to teach me. 3hrs after I used the machine, he offered to do another thing for me, using that machine. Where got so stupid??

2. A Mother & Daughter Who Don't Communicate
This is a classic. Both the mother and daughter are directors (also the younger sister and niece of the big boss) in my company. I have to take orders from either of them, both of them?....argh....I'm confused myself... well... the daughter said that if she's not around and I needed an answer immediately, I should ask her mother. Then I got scolding for doing so because her mother's decision was not her decision. She said, "She (the mother) don't know anything, so don't ask her." Fine, I thought. I decided to just take orders from her (the daughter). Guess what? The mother scolded me for making the decision approved by her daughter saying, "Next time ask me, she (the daughter) don't know anything. She very blur." Where did the love between mother and daughter went?

3. A Lazy Woman Who Still Wants Authority
Recently, I got scolded again. The daughter, whom in my eyes is a lazy woman who wants to control everything, doesn't see her own mistake. She wanted a report on the work progress and so I gave it to her every week. I would suppose she will read it. Then one day she scolded me for doing the wrong thing. I highlighted to her that I have mentioned it in my report and she did not say it was wrong. Guess what again? She said, "The report is just a guideline. It does not mean anything!" So what's with the report? For me to kill time????!!!! She obviously don't read!

4. Still The Lazy Woman
That same lazy woman on the pretext of furthering her studies decided to resign. But she hung on to her directorship and have me reporting to her. I was told that she's just a consultant now. I guess that's just her excuse for coming in for 4hrs a week and still have lots of authority.

5. The Same Lazy Woman Who Doubles As A Backstabber
When a management employee resigns, she will send a backstabbing email to his/her business partners to ask them to stop contacting him/her. Doesn't she realise that she's been labelled 'The Backstabber", "The Evil One" in the industry? Retribution!

6. A Fine Line Between Being Exploited And Multi-tasking.
My big boss' daughter is setting up her own business. I have to help her make namecards! This is crazy. My GM (not part of the family, thank God!) said, "it's good to learn more." Does it mean that I have to thank them for exploiting me???

Sigh....but why am I still here? I know everywhere there will be people like that. But for sure, anywhere is high chance better than here.

I am in awe....

I was watching Arts Central on Wednesday night. I was actually supposed to have a chat with my mother. In the end, I worked late and she was already asleep. I thought might as well watch TV. Never a TV fan, I made the right choice. The first programme was about trekking, the sceneries were breathtaking (yes, even on TV). How I wish I can be there myself. The show was about trekking in Switzerland and Austria. Oh...the adventure, the nature, the excitement and even the exhaustion blew my mind away! Being a travelogue host is really not a bad deal at all.

The second show was Planet Earth. The view from my google box was already heavenly. I can't imagine physically there in the caves. David Attenbourgh's VO was a value-added point to Planet Earth.

The whole show made me want to quit my job right away and move on to be a travelogue host. I wonder if David would want to hire me...sponsors, anyone?

天啊！我是五花肉！

昨天和朋友一同去吃宵夜。边吃边谈到肉。其中有位朋友很瘦。他说不想变“排骨”。说着说着，他家就开始谈到自己要用什么肉来代表自己。朋友当中我最胖了。

我是“五花肉”！

减肥是我一生的职业。。。

又有人要结婚了。减肥行动展开了。这次想在两个月内减5kg。

曾经有朋友说减肥是女人一生的职业。对我而言，减肥是必然，必须，必要的！我要求不高，不渴望supermodel的身材。天啊！赐我Halle Berry的身材吧！Oops...胸没她的大。。。

安静。。。

今天，朋友放我飞机。明明约好了却没出现。 自己便一个人静静得在繁忙的城市里漫步。自己一个人的感觉还不错。时间变慢了。我对周围的事物也变得敏感多了。一边走，一边发掘自己。
我发现自己是个什么样的人。喜欢什么，讨厌什么，希望得到什么。。。

原来自己一个人的时间是多么的重要。

走着走着，我开始在想我未来的‘他’。不知道我们之间能不能有安静的存在。彼此能不能享受之间的空气，之间的宁静。那个时刻，应该是两人最美好的时刻吧。什么话都不说，用心去感受周围，感觉彼此。。。

不用我说，你也知道我爱你。。。

我是空中小姐？

今天陪朋友到一家航空公司举办的walk in interview。开始抱着一种好玩的心态，想去见识cabin crew面试是怎样的。其实昨晚就有意思想亲身体验。

我花了＄18拍了一张全身照。可是照片中出现的是一头充满睡意，咪咪眼，头发凌乱的肥猪（我啦！）

第一关：高度（难不倒我）

第二关：小组讨论（我只说了一句话！完了，完了！）

最后，长得漂亮，又说了很多话的女生进入了2nd interview

我？你说呢？

回家睡觉咯。。。

Finally finished walking 45km last week!

This is a long overdued blog entry. I should have done it last Saturday after my completion of 45km walk. Compared to the people I walked with, my 45km is nothing. The whole route is 101km. I gave up during the last leg of the walkaton because of the blisters on both my feet. I took pictures (of my blisters) but reckon them to be too be too gross to be posted online.

I was wondering what pushed them forward, taking each step that might have drawn pain. For me, it's just a personal challenge, to add something to my milestone. I did it willingly. For them, it could be their future at stake. But for those who walked till the end, you have my vote for being one of the most determined people I have ever seen.

Man, I look forward to the next challenge to come.....

五月天！我要陪你们离开地球表面！

终于买票了。终于又有机会目睹已是男人的五月天再次变成男生。这张票是我忍着胃痛排队买的。

明天又要开工了！

心情越来越闷。。。为什么周末总是过得那么快？

握在手中的梦想

我一直梦想着当个摄影师。不知道我的梦想能不能实现。现在连一个像样的摄影机都没有。咳。。。。是时候存钱了。一定要有一个像样的digital SLR相机。

好羡慕勇敢的人。能放下一切追求梦想。看见朋友能离开工作，背包旅游整整一年。他们不追求名利与物质。我好想像他们一样。但胆小的我还是放不下我拥有的一切。好不容易在工作上累计了经验，好难放弃。也许不难，而是我太胆小。

到网上看了和妹妹两年前到澳洲旅行的相片。好怀念。希望有一天能鼓起勇气，拿着我的相机和行李，环游世界两年。途中就已帮人们摄影谋生。

不想让梦想永远活在梦里。。。。

最伟大的工作

昨天上厕所时，发现马桶里沾着一坨大便。我冲了3次水，大便还在。好臭。突然想起前天在厕所的洗手盆遗留着有人吐出来的东西。想到这里，我想到了洗厕所的阿婆。阿婆看起来有50+岁了。每天下午看她洗厕所洗到腰酸背痛，还要面对那些肮脏的东西。我觉得阿婆很伟大。阿婆每天的辛劳换得我们的方便与健康。没有她，恐怕我们就没有干净的厕所可以用了。

我们每天中午到小贩中心享用午餐时，有没有向清理桌子的工人道谢过。我觉得我比不上他们。他们愿意服侍我们这些自以为是的人。

每天帮我们倒垃圾的人，帮我们清理组屋的人都很伟大。他们愿意为我们每天面对肮脏，难闻的东西，让我们有干净的环境，健康的生活。

朋友们，是不是时候开始说谢谢了？

拥抱吧！

今晚到教堂for prayer meeting. 因为较早时被同事冤枉，心里有点不爽。我跟上帝说，“如果有个拥抱，心情会好一点。”牧师就稍微的提到拥抱，便建议我们彼此拥抱。哇！感觉真好。
拥抱真的能让心情好些。被拥抱就是被接受了。

被爸爸妈妈拥抱，有种被保护的感觉。被特别的他抱在怀里时，有种被爱的感觉。和朋友拥抱时，有种被接纳的感觉。

拥抱是个安慰人最好的举动。朋友们，不开心时，不如就找个人拥抱吧！

我选择快乐。。。。

今天被冤枉两次。可是我也没办法。只能学一事，长一智。我知道最重要的是我自己和上帝知道真相。这些冤枉我的人可能不是故意的。就算是刻意的，我又能做什么呢？我只能看开一点。想太多，只是自寻烦恼。

我选择快乐。我会试着走快乐的路。有他的领导，我的路虽然不会永远平坦，但一定会带来快乐。只要我愿意，快乐就在我手里。快乐一直都在我们身边，我会提醒我自己，一定要伸手争取。

所以就算被冤枉，只要不去想，我一定会快乐。那个冤枉我的人这次把快乐抛在一边了。

你会选择哪种快乐？

如果你是渔夫，你会选择

1）天天辛苦劳累，经过许多波折，有时痛苦，有时沮丧，工作的时间比陪家人还要多。还要经历失败的摧残。到了四十年后，白发苍苍，终于建立了自己的捕鱼王国，成为百万富翁。你为了你的成就和付出而感到快乐。

2）每天只捕足鱼。不给自己太多压力。留了很多时间给自己和家人。四十年后，你是个退休的渔夫。身家刚好够养活你。。。平凡的快乐。

我也不知道我追求的是哪种快乐。你呢？

珍惜眼前人

今天到一位朋友的妈妈的wake。没有我想象中的哀哭声。见到朋友，发现她憔悴了许多。两天前，被通知她的妈妈去世时，我哭了。我感受到了她一点点的悲伤。我无法体会她全部的伤痛，但也已经很痛苦了。我感受到失去至亲的感受，尤其是妈妈。仿佛看见自己就站在她的立场。

一切发生的很突然。她的妈妈不告而别。连一声再见也没说。妈妈就在工作的当儿，身体不舒服，接着就这么走了。一切都没有征兆。妈妈一直都很健康。朋友当天其实有种要到妈妈工作的地方找妈妈。但是最后还是没去。只和妈妈通过电话。电话挂断后的那声"bye bye"竟然就是永别了。

房子的每个角落都有妈妈的踪影。妈妈的地盘（厨房）， 妈妈和我聊天的地方。。。。很多很多。朋友之前买的鱼生，原本要等初十五和全家人一起捞。但是计划永远赶不上变化。（我好想哭。虽然我的妈妈现在就在房里睡觉，我突然很想她。。。。。。我的电脑荧幕突然一片模糊。原来是我的眼泪）

我想到有时妈妈打来时，我会很不耐烦地回答，总觉得妈妈很烦。但是今天以后，我会时时提醒自己，和家人的每一次接触，都要珍惜。就算是打来捞到的电话，都是家人的爱。不要为人生画上永远的遗憾。

朋友们，要珍惜眼前人。

今天快要结束了。

还有35分钟，今天快要结束了。刚刚才把自己窝囊的一天公布。希望不愉快的心情会随着今天消失。希望这些不愉快的事会像时间一样追不回来。

当我在为自己的事烦恼时，我的一位朋友的妈妈在医院为自己的生命奋斗。10分钟后，也就是在20分钟前，我的朋友的妈妈去世了。在为她的妈妈祈祷时，我发现自己承受的压力，比起朋友的压力，显得好渺小。就像地球比宇宙。

希望烦恼会在宇宙中迷失了方向。烦恼, 永远迷路吧！

勇气跑到哪去了？

还有一个小时二月二十八日快要结束了。好多感触的一天。今天又流泪了。都是伤心的眼泪。今天第一次听到有人对我很失望。对我的评语都是不好的。不只是一个人。对自己好失望。刚刚才把破碎的自尊心捡起来，却又被这么一句话，把自尊撒满地。开始觉得自己好没有，对自己很绝望。我又开始想自己到底是不是入错行。好想勇敢的熬下去。但是勇气跑到哪去了？现在的我好想逃避。不如就辞职，一了百了。但是勇气跑到哪去了？我的泪却是换来了一句“你一点都不坚强”。我想也是。可能我对于自己的失败，还无法勇敢面对吧。我发现自己年龄越大，越难面对失败。我当年的勇气跑到哪去了？

我还能站起来吗？看扁我的人最终会对我改观吗？这些都留给将来吧。现在最重要的就是找回自己的勇气。

Don't Take Things For Granted

Do you realise that we always take the simplest things for granted. We should start counting our blessings.

My sister was telling me about a student she used to tutor. The girl has inward growing lower eyelid's lashes. The young girl has to see a doctor to remove the hair (by plucking). Ouch! We should be grateful that we have our eyelashes growing outwards.

知足常乐。。。

我生病了。。

昨天，天没亮，就被朋友的sms给吵醒了。原来是说自己感冒所以不能一起去爬山。好想和她一样继续在家里睡。一定会有很多人没来。有种预感，一定会有很多人睡不醒。

我的鼻涕也在流。为了不要扫兴，我硬着头皮死承。终于完成了爬山行动。结果不出我所料。有两位朋友睡过了头。回到家，开始觉得不舒服。看了医生才知道自己发烧了。咳。。。。结果错过了和多时没见得朋友，Raymond 的聚会。他还很有心。打电话来叫我好好休息。好感动。

今天感觉好多了。吃饱了睡。睡饱了吃。又不能运动。我看我真的肥死算了。

可爱吧？

这是我最小的表妹。人人都叫她做“胖妞”。今年刚过一岁生日。别以为她年纪小小，她是很能吃的哦！胖妞是个快乐的宝宝。可爱吧？

今晚的Company Dinner and Dance

D&D刚刚在一个小时前结束了。我赢了三包5kg的米。在新公司六个月，我已经扛了35kg的米回家了。对一个很少有人回家吃饭的家庭而言。。。。咳。。。

今晚的晚宴让我回想起去年在旧公司的晚宴。晚宴那天，也是我在公司的最后一天。好怀念哦。。有一位同事说，“平常都一致看到穿西装的人，今晚很开心能看见很平凡的人。那些人真的是来参加派对的。真的是真心诚意的来和同事们一起共度快乐的一晚。”

她的一句话让我又开始回忆起去年，我们全公司的同事都是一群很平凡，不穿西装，真心诚意的要和一起打拼的同事度过快乐的夜晚。好怀念那段不做作的日子。同事就像是一家人。我离开的那天，我的上司也哭了。ED也来向我道谢和祝贺。那晚的眼泪没有白流。

也许得不到的，失去的，才是最美好的。

照片是今晚在D&D时，和一群同事一起弄的。美美！

日本动画超cool!

我好久没看日本动画片了。记得最后一次看得时候是两年前。那时看Naruto。从第一集，不勉不休，废寝忘食，一直追到第181集。一切就在短短的两个星期就搞定了。我还真能熬。当时因为Naruto越来越不有趣了，所以就停止了这种疯狂。

最近，因弟弟的朋友介绍，我开始了我的另一次疯狂。Bleach是超赞的！我又发挥了我潜意识的耐力。在一个星期内K完第1到115集。万岁！

我看我快要加入熊猫俱乐部了。

新年又过了！

今天已经是初五了。昨天我们正式开工。心情不是很好。过年已经不像以前那么快乐了。可能是长大乐。除了除夕和家人一起吃团圆饭最开心以外，初一拜年最无聊。我们一家一家地道贺。一些亲戚还是一年只见一次面。见了面也不知该说些什么好。和那些常常见面的亲戚就好多了。话题多，在一起闹也不会觉得尴尬。

这一次拜年我发现抽空和亲人朋友相处是很重要的。我想我该抽空和好久不见的朋友聚一聚。那些有看我的blog的朋友。真是对不起。我们约个时间，聚一聚吧！

By the way, 这是去年我们全家一起去拍的全家福。By right, 家人应该是我们每天相处时间最长的人。但是在现实社会里，在商场上打拼的人，每天相处时间最长的应该是同事吧。希望我这个推测只是一竹竿打翻整艘船。

祝大家天天开心，身体健康。

好久不见！

今天我回到半年前我离开的地方。见到了半年不见的老同事。我一边走，一边跟旧同事打招呼。他们都没忘了我。好开心。

走着走着，突然会想自己到底是做错了决定吗？从旧同事的嘴里觉得，我离开是对的。但是他们可能还没有离开过，所以不知道失去和后悔的感觉。还是可能我比较suay，新的工作比以前来得差。

但是我不气馁。I can see the light at the end of the tunnel........

情人节礼物！

今年的情人节，一位好朋友为我这个lao单的女人准备了一束“花”。你们知道是什么花吗？猜猜。

也不过如此

从前一直认为他们都是高不可攀的重头级人物。但是经过那么多次的接触，我渐渐的觉得他们也不过如此。

今天我为他们感到悲哀。曾经风光已不在。现在的他们变得很可悲。今天他们是没人理会的贵宾。好像为他们加油。不知他们是否有珍惜以前的那段时光？他们是否觉得自己已是过期了？他们是否有着失落感。

看见当红的他们，我开始想，这些人会有一天也像那些人一样可悲吗? 原来他们也不过如此。

The grass is always greener on the other side

I used to dread going to work in my previous company. Now that I have left and joined a new one, there is a basis for comparison. I soon realise that my previous boss, my previous workplace and of course my ex-colleagues were much better. I couldn't say that about my job scope though.

Today, we had a gathering. The dinner was bad, the service was bad, but it's the company that counts. Really had a good time. We shared what we have went through. My ex-colleagues were not happy in my previous company. Soon we started comparing and I started to appreciate what I had in the past. I miss those days.

为什么人要到了失去后才懂得珍惜？好马不吃回头草。就算现在多么的辛苦，我都会承下去。也许再次回到那里，我又会开始怀疑自己的决定。

I See Light At The End Of The Tunnel....

It's been 6 months. I've been confirmed last week. Just a month ago, I have made up my mind to venture into this industry. It's pretty exciting. But first I have to make sure I improve on my carelessness now. I have to be extra extra extra careful.

I am no longer young. So I'm giving myself and the company a chance. Right now, I focus on my career and not the company.

This road is not going to be smooth sailing and I forsee more unhappinesses will come. But what is happiness without those things that brings your mood down. I don't want to be a nobody. I want to be somebody. The clock is ticking....

Hopefully my days in this company will last and it will not be a choice that I will regret for the rest of my life. I believe God put me here for a reason.

I am still picking up the pieces of my confidence and pride after making yet another mistake yesterday. Afterall, I am the unbeatable ME!

The Company I Am Working For Now....

I know there might be someone out there thinking that I am already very fortunate. You might be facing worse situations. My sympathies to you.

My company:
1. Has got no variable bonus (though in the contract it stated..."if the company makes money")
2. All executives and below have to punch card, even for lunch! Executives are not paid overtime even though we need to punch card.
3. Generation gaps and communication barriers. Most of the senior management are the elders in the family.
4. Someone who reads everyone's email everyday!
5. Network is always down and emails can't function properly. Even the computer technician is still a family member still in university.
6. One of the directors still live in his own world still thinking he is very experienced. Well....he's still in the A-GoGo era when we have already crossed the millenium.
7. A super bad reputation for being stingy, sacking people and being a back stabber in the industry. (Even my sister's friend from another industry knows about it!)

The list can go on and on......

But those are just my opinions. I can't say I'm a perfect employee.....

A Totally Crushed Pride

As I was saying....my pride was totally crushed. Being new in this line, I made many mistakes. But I am "proud" to say I did not make the same mistake twice. Whenever I made mistakes, I caused the company money. Though not a very big sum, but it's still money. I was beginning to feel that people around me are labelling me as the troublemaker. By the way, in this company, I was told that I don't have much time to learn from mistakes because the company is out to make money. The person who told me this, MY FOOT! If the company was really making money before I came in, it will not be still a small company.

But still pride was crushed. Confidence level plunged to rock bottom. It was hard climbing back. No longer look forward to work or rather, I have never look forward to work since I joined this company. I feel so useless.... My GM even asked me jokingly if he should serve me THE letter. I know he's not serious but I might really be not suitable for this job.

No pride, no confidence, no joy and no passion......I'm still a chicken....

The Unhappiness.....

There are really a lot of unhappiness in this current job. Not enough nice things to make up for it. Many things happened here are super demoralizing. I was beginning to feel worthless and a burden to others.

I was penalized for a mistake that I made during my 2nd week in the company. One of the directors told me that I am not suitable for the job. He hinted that I should think of other options.

Then my direct boss told me that I was not working hard enough (does that mean I have to work overtime to prove my worthiness!!???). And I was penalized for using MSN. Everyone else in the office is using. I give up.

On my birthday, the managing director asked me what I have been doing in the past 3 months! Of course that old man won't know anything. He's been pretending to look out of his room and all the while he's been sleeping. Well what can I say? He's the boss. The owner of the business. By the way, did I mention it's a family business? Things can't get any worse, can it? Well YES it can!

4 months into the job. My boss tells me that since she's not in the office all the time, it wasn't easy for her to appraise me for my confirmation. So I was supposed to write out in details what I have done for every single day! This is absolutely unacceptable. Absurd! I was lost for speech and dammed, I was a chicken to quit that very minute....

It had been 3 months

I really congratulate myself for lasting 3 months in the company. I witness one colleague resigning in just one month into my new job. That colleague was my pillar of strength. A very nice lady whom I still call to complain about work once in a while now.

I see three new colleagues coming in. All from the industry and very experienced. But all are not happy with the company's system. Well...it's the system that I have been tolerating for the past 3 months. Finally people who share my sentiments.

It was such a relief that we could complain all we can during lunch time. Working life seems to be getting better. It was even better when God bless me with a colleague who is also a Christian. We tried to encourage each other with God's words.

We were still trying to get used to the company....

The First Blow...I Want To Quit Now!

When I first stepped into the company.....
Oh MY GOD! What have I landed myself into. The place is pathetically small compared to my previous company. There are so few people in the company. Why didn't I heed my friend's advise to avoid this company? I was regretting. But then again, would things be better if I have stayed in my previous company? I needed to grow.

I told myself to stick around and see. I began to learn some new things. But no one was free enough to help me. No one was around to teach me. I have to start learning on my own. It was difficult when people aren't as friendly and work is so different (from out in the field running the whole day to sitting at my desk the whole day!). How can Maggie the talkative and active girl be so deskbound???

I was beginning to feel that I have bad breath due to the lack of opportunities to open my mouth to talk.

One of the directors had her eyes on me for the whole week. She would stand behind me without any making any noise, thinking that I won't notice her. Well I really won't if she was an ANT for goodness sake!

The next thing I know after a week was my boss telling me that I don't seem to be doing much work. I was regretting BIG TIME!

The Decision That Changed My Life

At the beginning of the year, I was not very happy with my job. Though it can be quite fun sometimes, but it was really getting to me. I no longer could enjoy my workplace like I used to. Things have gotten stagnant and it was not getting me anywhere. I was not getting what I want. I seldom make mistakes and usually have my own way.

I was beginning to think that I was made for something bigger and more exciting. Hence I started applying for a job. Finally got a job and I thought "Whoa! Here's my big breakthrough!" I tendered my resignation and that was 6 months ago.

My designation got demoted and but I got a pay raise. So that made up for the little dent on the ego part.

But this decision changed my life totally. For better or for worse...I've yet to really verify.